Nausea: Music that Strikes a Core to the Heart

Nausea- A world of randomness chaos 

Jean-Paul Sartre is a renowned philosopher of Existentialism. His famous work follows Antonie Rouquentin, a writer who questions and explores his own existence. He goes through phases of extreme observation of his surrounding world, going beyond the materialistic world and questioning every single object and person in his life, only to find himself in a world of order that is chaotic, in other words, randomness, which causes him to have nausea. In an instant, he arrives at a bar that is equally unbearably to stand. The group of men playing poker, and as he deciphers the winning odds, or the strange drunken man approaching him with a vibrant outfit, all made his stomach turn. Until he asked the waitress to play music on the vinyl, he began another round of nausea. A peculiar kind of nausea that made him on cloud 9.  

"For a moment, the jazz is playing; there is no melody only notes, a myriad of tiny jolts. They know no rest, an inflexible order gives birth to them and destroys them without giving them time to recuperate and exist for themselves." 

Antonie describes the music highly resembling his existential conflict. Prior to the passage, he describes the vocal chorus as "short" or "abrupt manner," signifying a sound of order bores him. It does not merely pique his interest as much as the randomness of Jazz music. He takes time in writing every detail on how it makes him feel, or the memories that have been brought forth, like trips to Barcelona. In a way, Antonie represents Jazz music, for he excludes traits of randomness or disoriented melodies, not following the conventional way of thinking about life. Without forcing it, he thinks beyond the box.

Reflection: My Relationship with Music

I have a personal relationship with music, and I think as humans, we all are. Music has a way to touch the core of our hearts with melodies, and it can bring the most vulnerable memories to our minds. Yesterday afternoon was a study session with my friend Mia. We went to a hidden 24 cafe hidden in the streets of Gongguan. As I was catching up with her, some songs were playing in the background. I had to abruptly pause the conversation and tell her that this music has significance in my life, for it reminds me of a past lover. We proceed on engaging in a chillax yet intense conversation about our past. Among the questions were: "What did you learn from this person even though he has hurt you so badly?" "Why did you think this happened to you?" "What comes after this heartbreak?"  It was a therapeutic moment for both of us. Because it allowed us to reflect on the past as well as our whole being, and test and explore fate itself. All thanks to a song that reminded a person of the past. This shows the great magnitude of music in human physiology, and how certain music touches the uncharted territory of our hearts, as it was for Antonie in Nausea. 

Stranger Things Season 4 - Volume 1: The Power of Music 

*Spoiler Alert* 

The new installment of Stanger Things follows an Upside Down monster called Vecna, who infiltrates into the minds of the weak and traumatized, and kills them in a horrific and ghastly manner: by sucking up their blood, breaking the bones of their limbs, and pulling their eyes. For an instance, one of the main characters name Max was struggling with the death of her brother, Billy. She was greatly affected by it, shying away from her friends and indulging in unprescribed drugs, making her the next victim of Vecna.

 

In another scene were Nancy and Robin, who was in a mental facility finding answers about Vecna and a potential cure for Billy. They established that music can cope with the broken minds of the patients, for it has a calming effect, especially the right songs that hold some personal meaning. On the verge of Billy's brain abduction, while in her mind she is desperately escaping Vecna's mind control, the crew finally was able to put on Billy's headset and play "Running up the Hill" by Kate Moss. In a climatic fashion, Billy has flashbacks of her fond memories with her friend, fighting all her might against Vecna, and running toward her friend's safe arm. 

Conclusion 

I binge-watched Stranger Things last Saturday and found Nausea in the 24hr cafe store on Sunday. At the same time, they both gave me descriptions of how powerful music is. Whether it is fighting off a fictional character, or making sense of the world, music will always be an ageless comfort media for humans. In my opinion, there is no single person that hates music, because songs and melodies are very personal. A certain order of tunes strikes a core in one's heart. Therefore, music will be one of the biggest friend we have in the vast majority of the world. As I continue my journey in this lifetime, there will be a playlist with endless songs that reminds me of hidden memories. 

[Part 1] Jude the Obscure - A Cautionary Tale for a Dreamer

Jude the Obscure - A Dreamer's Nightmare

Jude the Obscure is one of Thomas Hardy's most depressing and controversial literary works of his lifetime. It is one of the extensions of the classical tale of Greek tragedy, where the main protagonist goes through a heroic journey, yet always falls into his demise and suffering towards the end. Jude the Obscure can put a bad taste in a dreamer’s mouth, for it destroys their aspiration and expectations of the future, looking forward to a better life. In the novel, Jude is a dreamer, a working-class man who aspires to be a university student. However, his toxic stoicism philosophy is attributed to his catastrophic life of unfortunate events. Rather than accepting his status quo, he strived for a better life that opposes the hard labor implicated in his people: a farmer with no class. Moreover, the novel sheds the cruelty of social classification, heirlooms, and social norms during the Victorian era. 

Understanding Jude - When stoicism becomes toxic

Jude exhibits the qualities of a stoic man, believing that hard work results in a good outcome. He is relentless when it comes to learning, even tackling Latin which is one of the hardest languages to acquire. In addition, he partakes one of the biggest challenges in the Victorian era, which was heading into the big, industrialized city and striving to become a university classical man. However, fate does not go his way, in fact, it goes to the darkest pits of haplessness. Rejects by the school he applies to, rejected by the woman he fell in love with upon meeting her in the city, and even rejected the society that simply does not welcome him. That is just the first half of the story, and we see how everything is working against him, preventing all possibilities of his dream from coming true.

Personal Reflection 

As a reader, Jude the Obscure is a cautionary tale that abates fear within me. I consider myself a dreamer, and I always dreamed of a better life aboard. However, due to my family’s financial difficulty and history, I’ve always known that my dream coming true is 1 in a million. A question remains mysterious to me, however. If the multiverse was real, and there are millions and billions of me making different choices and living different lives, where I blinded myself with stoicism, how much pain will I be willing to endure despite the dream not becoming true? We humans rely on hope to keep us moving forward, that is why heroic characters attract us, and often they are rewarded with the same amount of hard work they have put into reaching that goal. However, we also forget that it’s a cruel world, and people live with advantages and disadvantages that set us apart from each other. The starting point for people will never be the same, and there are a lot of inconveniences and tribulations that halt our progression to success or happiness. I know life can be unfair, but knowing where to stop or accept and appreciate what I have can make life a little bearable. This is the mistake Jude has made in the novel. He keeps on going on even though he knows the upper-class society does not respect his existence in their world. From time and time again, he undergoes more pain and suffering, with the worse being his oldest child killing himself and his two younger siblings because they think it was their fault for their parent’s sad life. All could have been prevented if he finally accepted his mundane and appreciated what small happiness can come through it. Overall, it is a distressing story.

The Hand of God - Movie Review

 The Hand of God - Movie Review 

Hannah N Loo 

Date: 2022/04/16 

Life Update

Hi, everyone. I just want to quickly pop on here and share a life update with yall. Since it is midterm week, I am sure you all know we are under intense pressure to finish up projects, homework, and, most importantly, PRESENTATIONS. I also recently got into the dorm and I am getting to be familiarized with the place and my roommates. There is this whole exhausting process of moving in that I really do not want to get into, but in short, it has been a dread. Also, I am currently spending some of my time with someone special. Hence, I, unfortunately, do not have much time to get comfy on my couch and be immersed in a good book. However, I do still read from time to from when I have time to. It is just that I am currently on 'the escalating to the climax' part of the story, and it is taking me a while to find something worthwhile to say. 

That being said, I plan to share more intuitive, insightful, and intelligent movies. Personally, I do think movies are like books that are highly more focused on the sensory and auditory sensations of the senses. However, it does not take away from how books can influence our body, mind, and soul. They are no less than the other. 

One last thing, this weekend we are shooting and recording Project Let's Talk's Season 3. We had just finished recording the podcast episodes 1 and 2 today. I have been working my ass off in making up the script, and I am glad to say that it has paid off. I cannot be more ecstatic for you to listen to our heated discussions. (Sneak Peek: we talked about S3X in this podcast. ;)) Shout out to Zack and Lea. Thank you for being the best crew a host could ask for. 

Introduction 

The hand of God is a 2021 Italian film directed by Paolo Sorrentino set in Naples in the 1980s. It follows a young Italian teenage boy and his seemingly normal family. Through scenes where Fabietto motionlessly gazes through his family, we can see him having a hard time navigating through his mother's insufferable cries finding out about his father's constant infidelity with his colleague. He is even pushed to his boundaries and has an anxiety attack, while his older brother hugged him for comfort to stop his relentless shaking. Or his aphrodisiacal stare at his mother's younger sister. Diagnosed with a mental disorder, Patrizia's ageless beauty is the fundamental reason for her husband's distrust and insecurity, causing a series of abuse and physiological trauma. Yet, Patriza's spitefulness remains, and Fabietto is undoubtedly mesmerized by this older and seductive figure in his life, and he simply cannot take his lustful eyes away from her. Or when he is captured by a movie set directed by a renowned thinker. Through his encounter with the director, we can see him find his interest in filmmaking.  

 

Seeing is Believing 

Through Fabie's observations, we can see the people in his life are filled with fascinating stories, which is also a contrast to his mundane life. The first story we see is Patrizia. Alongside the crowded people waiting for the bus, her beauty and seduction stood out the most among the female passengers, as the shape of her breast is penetrating through her white sheer dress. It did not take long for Patrizia to catch the eyes of a wealthy man escorted by a driver in a black shy car. He chaperoned Patrizia to an abandoned castle, and he turned on the light of a fallen chandelier, a scene so surreal you doubt the legitimacy and authenticity of Patrizia's story. Without saying anything, the unnamed stranger somehow knew Patrizia's name and her inability to perceive a child, and he was a messenger to the "little monk" who grants wishes to hopeless people.  

Upon arriving home, his disturbed and uneasy husband is furiously waiting for her return. She tries to explain to him where she has been, but the story was too obscured for her already jealous husband to believe. Then it escalated into a series of violent brawls, leaving Patrizia with a bloody nose and she locks herself in their bedroom. Arrives the Schisa family to the rescue, we see the first time when Fabie laid his eyes on Patrizia, with her white dress hanging by a strap, and leaving her left breast exposed. All of them do not believe Patrizia, except for Fabie. 

The whole movie evolves through the eyes of Fabie, and Patrizia's strange and bizarre story is a made-up story of her mental disorder. Yet, the movie chooses to show us the weird interaction, almost symbolizing 

Fabie's lustful admiration has clouded his judgment of real and fake. 

Conclusion 

Of course, that is only one of the stories of the incredible shown in the hand of God. The movie seemingly follows the inspiring filmmaker Fabie, but stories from other side characters, like Patrizia's, remain as insightful, delicately-make, and compelling. It is truly worthwhile to be absorbed in the intertwining plot twist of Fabie's family. As of now, I have not completely finished watching the whole entire movie (I know, how cruel of me.) As I mentioned at the start of this log, a lot of things have been going on in my life lately. One thing the books and movies taught me is to live your life like their stories have shown me. Be the main character of your own book, focus on the important or inconsequential details of your own movie, and make a story that is worthwhile to write about. 

Blade Runner 2049 - A Philosophical Movie Review

Blade Runner 2049 - A Movie Review

Written by: Hannah N Loo

Date: 2022/04/04 

Blade Runner 2049

In the year 2019, technology has become so advanced that there have been a precedented number of 'replicants' living in society. Replicants are bioengineer androids with human forms, designed by Tyrell corporation. Their existence is to undergo laborious tasks and become slaves by the humans. Replicants exhibit great strength, photogenic memories, and most importantly, human emotions. However, humans with meat and flesh treat replicants with the utmost disrespect. As the main protagonist,  Officer KD6-3.7, walks from his designated police station to his home, he is greeted with F-bombs by his supposed colleagues, and the pleasant graffiti "F__ off Skinner" can be seen on his door. 'Skinner' is a derogatory term used to degrade replicants, and it holds the same effect as saying the N-Word. (said by a Reddit post.)

After a series of violent rebellions, the Tyrell corporation collapsed. For a moment, the replicants were free of their slave owners, until Wallice took over and restart the invention of the new replicants. To eliminate old models and clean up the mess created by Tyrell, the new creation of replicants is set off to kill them. One of these "clean up crew" or killers is KD6-3.7, also known as K. 

On one particular mission to kill off a replicant living in isolation with his farm of warms, he unravels the secret of the rebellion'. A child born out of two replicants. That's right, Tyrell's technology was so advanced, that he had the potential of being God himself. The child must remain hidden, for if Wallice discovers its existence, the child will be subjected to countless examinations and he will open him up like the frog on the silver plate in Biology class. 

In his mission on finding the child, K goes through a process of inner conflict, shifting beliefs about himself as being real or man-made. As he sees the date etch on the tree where the remains of the child's mother. He remembers a memory as a child, but the memories are implanted not created. Is he the miracle child? Can he be the begotten son that has been thrown out of the world?

Spoilers Alert 

* This part contains the spoiler of the movie. If you wish not to be spoiled or informed of the plot of the story, I highly suggest you watch the movie on Netflix or your designated movie/streaming sites. 

As we continue on with the phenomenal movie with great cinematography and CGI, the shocking news is that K is in fact not the child, but it is Dr. Ana Setlline. She is working for Wallice as a creator of implanted memories. Memories are the key factor in making the replicants humane, and Ana was the best in her fields. When K questions what makes her creation exceptional to others, Ana answer it was the secret formula of mixing real and fake memories. She unintentionally and purposefully put her own memories in K's head, which results in the conflict of K's identity. 

K was hit with the sudden realization that he longs for being the child. The one born out of a miracle, or, most importantly, the desire of being a real human. Although we do not know what Ana is genetically, she resembles a hope for the replicants who have been enslaved by humans. The people made of flesh and blood are created by God, and the replicants are by a man. Either way, they are nothing less of the other.  We see famous novel series such as Harry Potter or The Mortal instruments, where the main protagonist has extraordinary abilities because he/she is the chosen one. However, K was just another victim of deception by his creator. Will he continues his mission of killing replicants as he is designed to? Or will he choose the humane way of keeping Ana safe out of Wallice's manhunt? Watch Blade Runner 2049 to find out the truth. 

The Metamorphasis - 2nd Book Reflection Part 2

 

In the previous reflection, I mentioned the first chapter illustrates Gregor Samsa's, a traveling salesman, plethora of mundane and inconsequential problems as he is faced with the transformation of a monstrous vermin (huge insect). What seems a terrible turn of events cannot be more horribly handled and executed. As the clock strikes 6am in the morning, which is overpassed his usual wake-up time by an hour, there are a number of people trying to get inside Gregor's room unassumingly thinking he has not yet gotten up from his sound sleep. As they were to try their best to get inside the room, Gregor's metamorphosis has begun to take place. The moans exuding relentlessly from him were enough signs to alert the family even more. 

Gregor's Relationship With His Family

The Samsa family was a family of 4, consisting of Gregor, his sister, father, and mother. Throughout the whole entire novel, apart from the main protagonist, the other family members were not given a name. They are always called "father" and "mother." This writing tactic was a clever way to have a better point of view of the main character, to actually be in his shoe. After the whole altercation at the front doors of Gregor's bedroom, they have finally seen what a monstrous vermin Gregor has become. While remaining conscious of his human past life and the inner complexity of human emotions, the metamorphosis initiates the indifferences with his family. Which cause another plethora of problems that made Gregor's relationship with his parents grow bitter, only seeing him as a 'challenge' or an 'impediment'. 

This reflects the author's relationship with his own parent. Having not the best father figure in the whole world, Franz endured indifference with his father. Franz was good at writing, but his father wanted him to follow the family business and attribute it to capitalism. He, then, suffered through years of drudgery. Only writing stories on the sidelines, never seeing his own potential. As we dissect even further into the name Gregor Samsa, the Czech meaning for "I am" translates to "jsem", and "alone" to "sám". If we put the words together, it generates the sentence "I am alone." As it was like in the novel for Gregor. As it was like for Franz in his own life. 

Reflection

Having my own indifferences with my own family, I could not help but feel at home at Franz Kafka's writing. In the book, Gregor lost his ability to speak human language but still remains his human consciousness. In some ways, I have felt the same thing with my own parents, and they have as well with me. A lot can attribute to the mutual silence, like the generation gap, idealogy differences or we are just not fit into talking the emotions out. Nonetheless, my personal unfavorable experience has become the backbone of my relatability and fondness over Franz Kafka. He remains my all-time favorite underrated writer of his own time. 

the Metamorphasis - 2nd Book Reflection Part 1

Book Summary

On one unexplained turn of events, Gregor Samsa, a salesman, wakes up having been transformed into an insect. Gregor, instead of searching for clues to himself back into a man, finds himself worrying over the inconsequential and peripheral mundane things, such as being late for work, providing for his inconsiderably needy family, and facing his boss. Everybody relied on him, but he can not do anything. He is a bug. If only there was a way to turn him back to the man is was, will any of this be easier? Yet, the reason behind his strange transformation is never explained. 

The Author

The Metamorphasis is one of the great works from the German novelist Franz Kafka. Kafka was born skinny and sickly. Having trusted his firstborn child would take on the family business, Kafka's father would put him under great pressure into molding him to become the dream child. However, that was never the case for Franz, and because of his innate traits, he was subjugated to abuse from his father of high standards. The irresistible sense of hopelessness did not fade away in his adult years and followed through in his time in the office. He became sicker by the minute and spent his dying years writing short stories. Stories that he thought meant little meaning to the world. He even asked his friend to burn all the manuscripts as his dying wish. Luckily, he did not listen and used up most of his time collecting and organizing Kafza's pieces of art. In the short life of Franz Kafka, he never knew his short stories would become one of the greatest works in literature. He never knew he would become one of the influential thinkers and novelists in the 20th century. And thus, was the birth of a word of significant meaning: Kafkaesque. 

"Kafkaesque" Definitions

"extremely, unpleasant, frightening and confusing, and similar to situations described in the novels of Franz Kafka." - Cambridge Dictionary

"having a nightmarishly complex, bizarre, or illogical quality." - Merriam Webster 

The term Kafka was to pay homage to Franz Kafka's exceptional pieces of literature. Some of his famous works illustrate the main protagonist is in a strange, complex, and illogical situation. Even having finished the book, you will be left confused about how the situation become so horribly in the first place, and yet, the mystery remains unexplained. 

What struck me about the great works of Franz Kafka is not because of the interesting plot, but his idea of the value of human life. There is simply no "moral of the story" inside of the metamorphosis, and Gregor Samsa was not the hero of his own unfortunate story. He is just but an ordinary man facing the daily struggles of providing for his family and working an exhausting job. Given that Franz hated his job as an office worker, his stories shed a light on the burden he encounters all day. Possibly, other people who felt they are stuck in an endless cycle of burdens and encumbrances can find comfort in the similarity of their own ordinary lives, and I was no exception. 

The Labyrinth of the Spirit

 

The Labyrinth of the Spirit was the fourth installment of the Cemetery of Forgotten Books by Carlos Ruiz Zafón. Carlos, born in Barcelona, was a famous Spanish novelist, gaining fame from his popular works such as The Shadow of the Wind (the first book in the series).  Set in 1945, Barcelona, the book follows Daniel who is still haunted by the mysterious death of his parent, having repeating dreams of the solace separation with his mother. It began when he discovered the Shadow of the Wind, a book by Jullian Carax that would change the course of his life, and began a journey to unravel mysteries, love, and deaths. As he seemingly put behind his determination in reaching new discoveries, Daniel can't put aside the death of his innocent mother. Only when finding Alicia Gris will he find out the truth of his family background. 

Right from the gecko, you will be as enrapture by Carlos's descriptive and beautifully-written illustrative style. I could not be as happy as a sandboy when I discover the fascinating world of the Cemetery of Forgotten Books. How did I come across with such a treasure? Well, I was strolling around the library when the 800-page book caught my attention. Once I opened the book, I was unable to put it back down. It was love at first sight. 

As I mentioned, the book was the last installment of the series created by Carlos Ruiz Zafón. It may be confusing for me to read the book without prior knowledge of the first few books. This greatly concerned me, too. However, at the beginning of the book, it stated that each work follows an independent storyline. You can read the books separately in any order without ruining the plot. This sparked an interest within me as I wonder how such a random sequence can be established in a series, giving me more reason to pick up the book and never let it go. 

Lately, I have had a growing fear of growing up. Two more years and I will set on to face adulthood and make my own history. But, it also means I am away from the safe haven of being a child. People will start to hold accountability for every action you take, and every decision could drastically alter your life. I guess this is a reason why Carlos Ruiz Zafón made the adult fantasy novel, to escape the daily task and responsibilities of being a grown-up, to be completely immersed in a world full of possibilities. Even though I am still in my sophomore year of college, I can't help but feel a sense of burden as each day goes by. Maybe I could enjoy my adolescent life even more by entering the world of the Labyrint of the Spirits. 

Behind the Aspiring Eyes of Hannah

 

 Hello, friends. My name is Hannah Nicole Loo. Yes, I do in fact have a middle name unlike my peers. It was carefully selected by my caring, loving and doting immigrant parents from the Philippines. "Hannah" means favor or grace, and it, in fact, originated from the Bible. My dad was the pastor of our small but warm church. He has recently officiated a wedding for two lovers who fell in love attendind services. That's how my parents met each other, too. With the same zealous faith, it was not long before they found each other, and baby Hannah was born. 

But sadly, I am not a baby anymore. In fact, I have been living in this planet for 20 years. In shape or form, I have endulged in different kinds of leaisure activities, or had a lot of acheivements, and most importantly, found my identity through art, movies and books. Here's what I've been doing for the 2 decades that I have been here. 

A family of Musicians 

Before giving his life into serving God, my dad was a rockstar in his younger years. With a long black hair and attractive "Chinito" looks, he was the hearthrob of the whole Manila. His Gibson oakwood electric guitar was his wingman in to getting any ladies. It all stopped when he decided to move to Taiwan and met my mom. They were both musicians for the church. My dad being the guitarist, and my mom the pianoist. After being involved with music and instruments for so long, they have also adapted the skill to play most of the instrument in a band. With this influence, I was motivated to teach myself how to play the drums, guitar, bass and piano. 

Movie-aholic

One of my favorite childhood family activity is to watch movies with my parents. During the longest lockdown we had in Taiwan, I have finished watching 60 movies. It was the only thing that was keeping me sane. I also relate to a lot of the stories in movies. My favorite one being Fight Club. I know what you're proabably thinking, a girl who likes action movies? Personally, I related to the message behind the movie, which is unlocking the human potential. Since I fond movies so profoundly, one of my dreams is to be a movie-critic. Hopefully, for the next 20 years, I would have astablished a name for myself in the movie-critic inductry. 

 

Art Admier

I love art. There is simply no extra way of expressing my admiration with all form of art. Whether is fashion, painted canvas or an sculpture, I am always so entralled by their uniqueness. My favorite thing to do is to star at the art peice, and put my own intrepretation into it. You would be fasinated by your own imagination. 

 

 That is mostly about me. Unfortunately, I cannot put 20 years of life story in 1 blog, but that is a general summary of what my passion is. My goal is to start enjoying other forms of art, such as reading. There is so many stories and lives we have yet to explore through novels, and I think today is the perfect day for me (and you) to start doing so. 

 

“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. The man who never reads lives only one.” -
George R.R. Martin